


Counting Smiles

by DyingSucculents



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: #CloneWarsSaved, Clones, Fluff, Friendship, HERES SOMETHING I PULLED OUT OF MY SHEBS IN 15 MINUTES, Holy Kriff, Hurt/Comfort, THE CLONE WARS IS BACK, War, i was sobbing alright, im literally the happiest ive been in a while, ive waited 5 years for this, rex's little smile at the end of the trailer is what i live for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 11:15:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DyingSucculents/pseuds/DyingSucculents
Summary: Ahsoka could count the times she saw Rex smile.





	Counting Smiles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meridianpony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianpony/gifts), [Sildae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sildae/gifts), [raemanzu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raemanzu/gifts), [spica_tea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spica_tea/gifts).



> GUYS ITS BACK. THE CLONE WARS IS BACK. I LITERALLY COULD NOT BE HAPPIER. THIS IS CRAZY, I THOUGHT I SAW THE LAST OF YOUNG REX AND YOUNG AHSOKA AND YOUNG EVERYONE BUT HOLY HELL I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER TO BE WRONG. ANYWAYS SORRY FOR YELLING IM GONNA YELL THROUGH THIS WHOLE DESCRIPTION: IF YOU'VE WATCHED THE TRAILER, YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN THAT LITTLE SMILE REX DOES WHILE HE'S TALKING TO AHSOKA. IT KILLED ME. I AM DECEASED. SO I WROTE A CRAPPY FIC ABOUT IT IN 25 MINUTES. ITS REALLY CRAPPY BUT I COULDNT WAIT TO MAKE IT BETTER AAAAAAAAH
> 
> ps: gifted to my favorite Clone Wars writers, just for feeding my CW-starved self scraps of delicious content. I know none of you personally but at this point I'm a megafan and have read your works at least 5 times each :'))))  
> [8/6 update to add raemanzu and spica_tea because I don't know how I forgot and it's not fair that I did?? I just met them last night, I'm h y p e d]

Ahsoka could count the times she saw Rex smile.

There was, undoubtedly, an excruciating irony to it. A smile was a sign of happiness. Oftentimes, Ahsoka found herself doing it thoughtlessly. A wry smile, if her master was acting up, and a knowing, shared smile with Master Kenobi shortly thereafter. A friendly smile, whenever she saw a group of younglings in the halls of the Jedi Temple, and a broad smile, whenever she saw Rex.

But Rex, he never seemed to smile ー and in the reality-defying, heart-stopping moments that he did, it was so innocent, so pure, so genuine, that it made Ahsoka's throat tighten. A smile was a sign of happiness, and when Rex smiled, the universe seemed to hold nothing but. Yet, there was the irony: she could physically count the times she saw him do it.

The first time Ahsoka saw Rex smile was during the Battle of Christophsis. That had been a first, alright; a first of many times she would mouth off to Anakin, and of course, it wouldn't be an iconic moment without Rex there to witness it. She had been a mere youngling then ー barely a padawan, and had no idea that what she was seeing was such a rare phenomenon. Then again, she only caught a glimpse of the grin before Rex hid it behind a gloved hand. When he lowered his arm a few moments later, it was gone.

The second time Ahsoka saw Rex smile was after the Battle of Christophsis ー never again would she see him smile twice in such a short amount of time. It was in the midst of an enthusiastic recollection of her mission with Anakin, and the men around her seemed to hang onto every word. Even Rex. She could feel that his eyes were locked on her, could feel his curiosity at her presence even then. He seemed confused; to him, she was all fresh enthusiasm amidst an exhausting war. To him, she made no sense. But his smile was broad, his spirits were high, and the future was bright.

Then came Teth. For the longest time, Ahsoka thought Rex would never smile again. Torrent was gone. His brothers were gone, and nothing she could say or do would coax even a flicker of joy from him. It was during one late night sit-in in the mess hall that he surprised her. The time on the chrono read 0300. Rex sat across from her, hunched over a datapad loaded with mission reports. The forefinger of one hand was scrolling sluggishly, the other hand clasping a lukewarm mug of some unidentifiable substance. Detachedly, Ahsoka had reached across the table, uncurling Rex’s fingers from the cup and drawing it up to her lips. The captain appeared to think nothing of it ー for approximately four seconds. It was only when the liquid was half into Ahsoka’s mouth that Rex suddenly bolted upright, eyes widening comically, and choked out something that sounded like “ _Kriffing wait a minute_ , sir.” But then, it was too late, and the substance was already burning a line of fire straight down Ahsoka’s throat and into her stomach. He had walked her back to her cabin that night, trying to suppress ー but ultimately failing to suppress ー his third smile.

The fourth time Ahsoka saw Rex smile was on Maridun. Anakin had been critically wounded, and Ahsoka was so consumed in worry that she could barely find it in herself to manage a grin; not that there was any reason to do so. Her heart had been heavy as General Secura commanded that Ahsoka leave her master’s side, and had it not been for Rex’s quiet reassurances, she very well may have decided to disobey orders yet again. The captain, ever attentive, had noticed her discontent, even after she had agreed to go. “Hey, kid.” Ahsoka recalled turning around, not bothering to hide her conflicted expression. Rex seemed to lean forward a fraction on instinct. “Good luck.” His voice was warm, and a tiny, telltale half-smile accompanied the words. Ahsoka had followed after General Secura with a grin on her face and a feeling of comfort in her chest.

Smiling came easier after that, but assuredly, it wasn’t a common occurrence. Ahsoka could still recall each of them with clarity. Number five came after the Blue Shadow Virus, when Ahsoka caught Rex watching Representative Binks get reamed out by a fed-up munitions specialist. The look of pure glee on his face made Ahsoka laugh until a coughing fit seized her frail form. Number six and seven were accredited to games of limmie broadcasted across the GAR’s holonet, which the entirety of Torrent gathered to watch. The men ー Rex included ー found much amusement in the athletes’ exaggerated injuries. Number eight fell on Ahsoka’s 15th birthday, when Rex, Jesse, Kix, and Hardcase presented her with a gimmicky viroblade that buzzed out the rhythm to a popular glimmik tune. It had been Hardcase’s idea ー of course ー and a morbid one at that, but Ahsoka thought it was hilarious, and gave each of the men a hug through peals of laughter. Although she didn’t see the eighth smile, she felt it against her right montral.

The ninth smile happened in a seedy Coruscant diner, the tenth in the barracks. The eleventh graced the streets of Galactic City, courtesy of a joke made in poor taste by Fives. The twelfth brightened the gymnasium on the _Resolute_ , and the thirteenth could be heard amongst the ambient chatter of Torrent in the mess. Ahsoka could feel the fourteenth coming around the corner as she approached Rex’s office after her run-in with Trandoshan hunters on Wasskah.

And then, the fifteenth. The fifteenth smile was as achingly familiar as the third, but this time, Ahsoka wholeheartedly believed that as long as _she_ was around, Rex would never smile again. Umbara had done this to him. No, _Krell_ had. The _Jedi_ had. _She_ had. No matter that she hadn’t been there ー perhaps, that was the reason why she was at fault. When Rex finally opened up to her, _finally_ reconfirmed his trust in her, it was after Kiros. After Zygerria. Even then, he didn’t smile, and that hurt more than anything. It was only when she sat alone in the halls of the _Resolute_ , on track to her second sleepless night in a row, when the pain finally quelled.

Ahsoka hadn’t bothered to look up at the armored figure that dropped down next to her on the durasteel floor; she could already confirm it was him just by the way he _felt._ His presence was conflicted, as it had been since Umbaran. It was always cloudy now, in an subtle, distant sort of way. Ahsoka hated herself for it.

“It’s 0100, commander.”

“I know, Rexster.”

“You should be asleep.”

“I know.”

The sound of plastoid plates shifting against the _Resolute’_ s floor panels protested the overloud silence.

“You know I still trust you, commander?”

“I know.” He _did._ Even if it was fragile and frayed, even a bit flawed, he _did._

“And you know I respect you with everything I’ve got.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

Her hand, which had been laying flush against the cool metal of the floor, was suddenly overwhelmed by the warmth of another. Fingers laced gently around the backs of her own ー not pressing the cloth of glove, but pressing flesh to flesh. Ahsoka swallowed hard and forced back the tears that pricked her eyes. The hand over hers gave a tender squeeze.

“You know we deploy on Cato Neimoidia tomorrow, right?”

“I know.”

“And you know we rendezvous at 0700?”

“I know.”

“And you know you need at _least_ five hours to build enough self-control so as _not_ to wring a Neimoidian’s neck?”

Ahsoka couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up at Rex’s wry comment. Pride spun flecks of brilliant gold into the Force, but the captain still didn’t smile. Instead, he climbed to his feet and offered Ahsoka a hand. She took it.

The walk back to her cabin was short, and Rex remained stoic the entire way, even as Ahsoka keyed the security code into the console outside her room. Yet, when she stepped inside, she placed a careful hand against the door to keep it from sliding shut. Rex only looked the tiniest bit perturbed.

“Rex.”

“Yes?”

“You know I’ll _never_ leave you, right?”

A pause, and then: “I know.”

Number fifteen was all Ahsoka saw as her door slid shut.

The last time Ahsoka saw Rex smile was through her comm’s holoprojector. The prerecorded message showed the captain standing with his familiar jaig-eyed helmet tucked under his arm, held against his hip. A real, genuine smile was spread across his lips ー the broadest grin she had ever seen from him.

“Congratu- _kriffin’_ -lations, sir!” Rex’s voice, tinny through the comm, sounded with a laugh. The smile never dimmed. “You really stuck it to ‘em. Bet old Fox never knew what hit him. Look, commanー _Ahsoka._ We knew you could do it. I…,” a hesitant laugh came through the channel. “I _knew_ . And believe it or not… I missed you.” Rex paused, shifting his weight awkwardly. He was never good at leaving messages ー _personal_ messages. “We all missed you. And we’re looking forward to having you back.” The hologram wavered and then cut out, that brilliant, hopeful smile dissipating along with the rest of the recording. Ahsoka Tano swept the tears from her cheeks with the palm of her hands and took the last few steps down the Jedi temple steps. She didn’t look back.

 

* * *

 

 

Bo-Katan knew nothing of the conflict racing in Ahsoka’s chest; that much was clear. The woman stood stone still at Ahsoka’s side, helmet on, shut off. Ahsoka suspected that even if her helmet was off, she would still be just as detached.

But Rex knew. It was undoubtable. It was as clear as the daytime sky, solid as the armor on his back, true as the intentions of the Lurmen whom she and Rex had aided so long ago. It was as sure as Ahsoka’s heartbeat, which thudded against her skin as she spoke to the man she so deeply cared about, but so deeply wounded. Yet, he didn’t seem to mind. If her actions had left scars, he didn’t bring them up. He didn’t bare them for her to see. He didn’t shun her, didn’t close her out or act the stranger. They spoke like old friends ー they _were_ old friends, after all. And just seconds ー mere moments ー before an all-too-familiar voice called her attention away, Ahsoka saw _something_ flicker across Rex’s lips as he looked up at her. She smiled that something right back at him.

Ahsoka could count the times she saw Rex smile. Perhaps it didn’t matter if the count was no longer at sixteen. Seventeen was just as small of a number. But that didn’t matter. No, assuredly not. A smile was a sign of happiness, and if that was what Rex was ー _had been_ ー seventeen times, she would hold all seventeen close, and she would never once let one slip from her memory.

**Author's Note:**

> Also!! I'm so sorry about not updating the Umbara fic, if you're keeping up with that. I have writers block more often than not, and right now is particularly terrible. This little scrap of a piece was basically all I could get out. But I'm working on it!!


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